Karaoké The Main Character Will Wood

I'm that first person they talk about in all the books

I'm that perspective you cannot doubt

See how I look

Control the narrative reliably

Baby it's all about me

And I wrote the book about throwin' the book at those who don't do it by it

So now I'm holdin' myself hostage

Stockholm lust just looks like justice

And enough lefts don't make the right but two wrongs do

Oh man Sun Tzu would love this

Beatin' my dead high horse off the high road to low ground

'Cos if you shake your fist at snakes in grass it looks like punchin' down

So God forbid I'm seen just as an average human bein'

I mean imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene

I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy

Don't come at me

I'm the main character and you have to like me

I loot plot armor from NPC's

Well they are to me

Trite tropes

Traits, traumas, trinkets and treats

It's all XP

Look in the sky, it's a bird

It's a plane

No it's superego

The underdog you cheer for

Villains are everywhere

That's how I know that I'm the hero

So tie me to the train tracks

Laugh and snidely twist your mustache

Snidely Whiplash

Boris Badenov

Ignorin' me's bad enough

Where do you get off

Da das vedanya darlin'

Daleks in high collars monologue and I outsmart them with a ray-gun and a tweet

So God forbid I'm seen just as an average human bein'

I mean imagine if protagonists just died in the first scene

I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy

Don't come at me

I'm the main character and you have to like me

Bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl woohoo yaow

Judge me by what my cover shows

Author becomes beyond reproach

You don't know the prose or if the spine is still intact

Oh like Alice fell to Wonderland come astroturf my Overton and embolden my demand to live by alternative facts

Her majesty says The Royal We demand a standard of loyalty

An agreement to be reverent

Lick the emperor's new boots

The court fool got the guillotine

The witches the stake

You the dopamine

And Siemens made the Zyklon B but we all still get the flu

We all do what we need to to get through but I ain't done a fuckin' thing to you

So God forbid I'm seen just as an average human bein'

I mean imagine if antagonists lacked any evil scheme

I'm the gap between a tragedy and comedy

Don't come at me

I'm the main character and you have to like me